{An excerpt from our convo last night.}
JT: (whispers) “Mommy, I have-ta tell you something. But you gotta keep it a secret. Secrets mean that means you can’t tell nobody.”
Me: “Okay. What is it?”
JT: (solemnly looks me in the eye) “Papa gave me beer.”
Me: “WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTT????????” (freaks out)
JT: “Yup.”
Me: “WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE GAVE YOU BEER????? OMG! I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS!!! OMG! OMG!! WHY THE HECK WOULD HE DO THAT? I DON’T BELIEVE THIS! WHERE’S MY PHONE??? *frantically searches in purse for phone* I’M GONNA CALL HIM RIGHT NOW!!! WHY THE HECK WOULD HE DO SOMETHING SO STUPID? WHERE’S MY DAMN PHONE? STUPID GIGANTIC BAG!!! WHERE’S MY PHONE? JUST WAIT ‘TIL I GIVE HIM A PIECE OF MY MIND!!! WHERE’S MY PHONE?????? OMG!!!!!!!
JT: “It was because they ran out of fruit punch…..”
Me: (yelling)“WHY WOULD HE GIVE YOU BEER??? WHERE’S HIS BRAIN? THAT’S THE DUMBEST THING I’VE EVER HEARD IN MY LIFE!!! WHERE THE HECK IS MY PHONE?? OMG! OMG!!! OMG!!!!!!!”
JT: “………….from……………”
Me: (still searching for phone) “…OF ALL THE STUPID THINGS SOMEONE COULD DO, I CAN’T BELIEVE HE….”
JT: “…..McDonalds.”
Me: “….WOULD DO. Wait a minute. What? From MCDONALDS????? McDonalds doesn’t serve BEER!!!”
JT: “Yes they do.”
Me: (confused) “Huh!?”
JT: “The beer of root.”
Me: “You mean ROOT BEER???”
JT: “Yeah, that’s what I said.”
Me: (finally exhales) “Uggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh! Damn kid.” 
