{the blog is awesome.}

{Just call me Mrs. Cullen.}

theblogisawesome — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 19:18:28 +0000

OMG.

——-> Coming to theaters JUNE 30, 2010

WHOOOOOO-HOOOOOOOO!!!!!

{happy girl’s day.}

theblogisawesome — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 23:24:51 +0000

So today is the third of March. An average Wednesday to some, but a big deal to others. In Japan, this day is celebrated as Hina-matsuri. The Japanese Doll Festival, or “Girl’s Day.”

Growing up, I didn’t recieve any hina dolls. At least I don’t think. Well I have a fudgetastic memory, so maybe my parents hid it from me so I wouldn’t lose them. I don’t know. I’ll ask and get back to you. I just got presents and moolah. In my opinion, that’s a pretty good way of being celebrated anyways. I’m already a girl, so it’s not like I had to do anything. So basically it’s like a second birthday.

When I was in elementary school, our teacher made the boys open the door and pull out our chairs on Girl’s Day. We would make Japanese crafts and be rewarded with little snacks. We were young. And we were spoiled.

As an adult, the celebration has been few and far in between. The most that I was “celebrated” today was that some construction workers gave me a couple appreciative whistles as I walked past them. That’s SO not the same type of princess treatment I got back in grade school. WTH?

I would say that being a grown-up sucks sometimes, but there is a faint light amongst this depressing shadow. Case in point: my co-worker just gave me an ENTIRE BAG of Hershey’s Kisses Hugs. Now that I’m an adult, I can eat as much candy as I want. So I guess that about even things out. In the words of the Spice Girls – “GIRL POWER!!!!” Happy Girl’s Day!!!

{the bachelor finale.}

theblogisawesome — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 03:14:57 +0000

Last night was the finale of the 14th season ( I still can’t get over the fact that its been FOURTEEN seasons already!) of ABC’s “the Bachelor.” Jake (the 32-year old commercial air instructor a.k.a. pilot a.k.a. reality TV manwhore) chose Vienna over (the apparent crowd favorite) Tenley.

I was like…Vienna what? Tenley who??

To be honest with you, I didn’t keep up with the whole season. Normally when it comes to shows like these, I’ll watch the first episode, maybe 1 or 2 in the between, and then the show finale. This has been the norm for me (with the ‘ception of ‘Keeping Up with the Kardashians’ – cause it’s AWESOME) mainly because of my schedule. Not to toot my own horn or anything, but my shizz right now is piled higher than an all-you-can-eat plate at a Las Vegas buffet. But I still I NEED to be involved with any and all water cooler talk, I try to keep up with as much tasteless current events as I can. Plus, you never know when that will be the next answer (or should I say question) on Jeopardy. A girl’s always gotta be prepared for things like that.

Anyways, back to the show. Jack was in lust love with both women all the way to the end. Shortly before the last rose ceremony, jeweler Neil Lane brought Jake some “drool-worthy” rings to choose for the “woman of his dreams.” Still undecided between the women, Jake chose two rings to hold onto. You know, although he kept mentioning that he didn’t know who he was going to choose, I think deep down he knew already for a while.

Like if someone offers me Pizza Hut or Papa Johns, I immediately will choose Papa Johns. Yes, they’re both pizza. And yes, they’re both delicious. But my brain is already (slightly) hard-wired to crave the latter. I guess Jakey-boy is the same way, so he chose the one he felt was a teeny bit more humpalicious to him. Same basic concept, right? I completely understand. Sometimes you just know, you know?

So at the end, he ended up proposing to Vienna. Did I care which girl he chose? Not really. Truthfully, throughout that last episode I liked Tenley better. She seemed a little bit sweeter. But whatever floats his boat, right?

Anyways, here’s my gripes about this show:

01. Why the hell would someone want to share their boyfriend with 30 other women? He’s swapping spit with ALL of them. And you’re LETTING him. That’s so unsanitary and disgusting.

02. These men and women are GORGEOUS!!! I bet they could find a potential mate by just walking outside and BREATHING. Like f ‘real. I don’t get why do they have to do a trash reality show in order to find someone to date? Oh yeah…so that other people who love trash reality shows have something to watch (aside from football) on Monday nights. Okay, rewind and erase that gripe.

And lastly,

03. I still can’t believe they used the song “On the Wings of Love” (by Jeffrey Osborne) as the ending “theme” song for this show. Yeah, Jake’s a pilot and I ”get” how that might be considered a cute play on words….but COME ON, ABC!!! Does that mean its okay to ruin a classic 80′s hit for everyone else in the non-manwhore universe? Now every time I hear that song, I think I’m gonna vomit a little in my mouth. I’m serious. I just might sue.

P.S. According to the San Francisco Examiner, “The success rate of “The Bachelor” has been poor, romantically speaking. Only four of the 13 previous couples are still together.” That’s only about a 3.25% success rate? Hmmm. We’ll see what happens…

{just say no.}

theblogisawesome — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 01:03:46 +0000

{An excerpt from our convo last night.}

JT: (whispers) “Mommy, I have-ta tell you something. But you gotta keep it a secret. Secrets mean that means you can’t tell nobody.”

Me: “Okay. What is it?”

JT: (solemnly looks me in the eye) “Papa gave me beer.”

Me: “WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTT????????” (freaks out)

JT: “Yup.”

Me: “WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE GAVE YOU BEER????? OMG! I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS!!! OMG! OMG!! WHY THE HECK WOULD HE DO THAT? I DON’T BELIEVE THIS! WHERE’S MY PHONE??? *frantically searches in purse for phone* I’M GONNA CALL HIM RIGHT NOW!!! WHY THE HECK WOULD HE DO SOMETHING SO STUPID? WHERE’S MY DAMN PHONE? STUPID GIGANTIC BAG!!! WHERE’S MY PHONE? JUST WAIT ‘TIL I GIVE HIM A PIECE OF MY MIND!!! WHERE’S MY PHONE?????? OMG!!!!!!!

JT: “It was because they ran out of fruit punch…..”

Me: (yelling)“WHY WOULD HE GIVE YOU BEER??? WHERE’S HIS BRAIN? THAT’S THE DUMBEST THING I’VE EVER HEARD IN MY LIFE!!! WHERE THE HECK IS MY PHONE?? OMG! OMG!!! OMG!!!!!!!”

JT: “………….from……………”

Me: (still searching for phone) “…OF ALL THE STUPID THINGS SOMEONE COULD DO, I CAN’T BELIEVE HE….”

JT: “…..McDonalds.”

Me: “….WOULD DO. Wait a minute. What? From MCDONALDS????? McDonalds doesn’t serve BEER!!!”

JT: “Yes they do.”

Me: (confused) “Huh!?”

JT: “The beer of root.”

Me: “You mean ROOT BEER???”

JT: “Yeah, that’s what I said.”

Me: (finally exhales) “Uggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh! Damn kid.”

{little known facts.}

theblogisawesome — Sat, 27 Feb 2010 03:03:19 +0000

01. When people ask how tall I am, I like to round up as high as I can go without it seeming utterly ridiculous. For example, I’m five two and a half (yes, I HAVE to throw that half inch in there!). So if someone were to ask me how tall I am, I would do some math. Five two (point five) is practically 5′ 3″, which is pretty much the same as being 5′ 5″. So I’ll tell them that I’m 5′ 5″. Don’t judge my mad math skills, that’s how I roll.

02. For some strange reason, I always feel better after I wash my hands.

03. I’m the worst restaurant-menu-orderer. I like to peruse the menu for things that sound “on edge” and “exciting” – it makes me feel like one of impressive like one of those cool *”foodie” people. {*definition: “A person who has an ardent or refined interest in food; a gourmet” - freedictionary.com}. So I’ll order excitement, take a bite, and end up (most of the time) staring at my plate in disgust. Then I’ll look at your plate, get jealous, and probably eat off of your plate (depending on who I’m eating with) or give you my best puppy dog eyes and ask if you want to share/trade.

04. I think that the best way to get out of something is to say that you’re allergic. “Would you like olives on your pizza?” – No thank you, I’m allergic. “Can you help me mow the lawn?” – “Aww shucks, I really wish I could help, but I’m allergic.”

05. I never carry less than three kinds of lip product in my purse at all times. Lipgloss, lip venom (plumper), lipstick, lipstain, lip balm, etc.

And now you know a little more about me. And knowing is half the battle.

{dear butthead.}

theblogisawesome — Sat, 13 Feb 2010 02:32:26 +0000

Dear Butthead Obnoxious Co-Worker,

Thank you again for rubbing it in my face that I have to come into work on Monday (President’s Day). I let the first three mentions go, but after the fifth time I really just wanted to kick the bejeezus out of your hoo-hah. Perhaps you mistook the twinkle in my eye as utter happiness for your good fortune. But in reality, I was trying my damnest to exert laser beams out of my retinas so that I could burn you (just a little) and in essence shut you up.

Enjoy your holiday!

xoxo,

P.S. I’d also like to commend you on your choice of attire today. Your gorgeous purple dress really brought out the green in my eyes. It also brought out your cankles, but we’ll save that for a later post